The Night Class Interview
by EtceteraCorporation
Summary: On one Saturday, there arrived two girls at Cross Academy to ask questions of the illustrious Night Class and the very broody Zero Kiryu. Here is a record of that fateful and eventful day. WARNING: Crack fic! by crack-ed authoresses! XD..and YAOI!
1. Chapter 1

Warning: …(looks at reader)… the heck is wrong with you

Warning: …(looks at reader)… the heck is wrong with you? …. Oh, you want a fic! Well, lesse here… nope, not ZeroYuki, KanameYuki, AidoYori, KainRuka, ShikiRima… (Kaz: ((barf..)) ) and definitely not all-those-hot-guys-and-an-OC! … so scat, ya typical finding loser. Here ye, here ye, come you Yaoi followers!!

Kaz: Sorry. She means well. (randomreaderthatyouwishedwasn'tyou: ..typical?) (Kaz spears him/her) … yay yaoi. OO

Fix: right, warning. Global wapoo!! Er, sorry… I mean stupidity and a whole mess of crack. Maybe. I don't know. You lookin' at me funny?

Kaz: (holding out speared person's roasted leg) …Chicken?

Fix: there is self-insertion here, so… if ya don't like that either…

Kaz: (looks at current reader) …OO More chicken…

ETC: ENJOY!!

--

That Saturday morning, no one expected the black limousine that stopped in front of Cross Academy. No one but Headmaster Cross.

"They're here! They're here! You, call Yuki-chan for me!! Dear gods, they're here!!"

The student soon returned with the brunette in tow, who looked quite… confused at the sight of her father pacing in front of the limo. Limo?

"Ano… Headmaster-"

"DADDY!!"

Yuki twitched, "…uh…" …but then again, it was the only way… "Otou-san…?"

Hearts popped behind the Headmaster, and he clasped her hands in his in joy. (XD)

"My dear, sweet, Yuki-chan!" Cross exclaimed, "There are two adorable little girls who have come to the school today!! They said they had an appointment with the Night Class and Zero-chan! Go, go and fetch that wayward brother of yours!"

This was accompanied by much arm movement and gestures that the Headmaster did not notice the presence of said wayward 'brother' right in the path of his outstretched arm…

THUMP.

"Ah! Zero!! There you are!!" Yuki blinked, quite surprised at Zero's 'cue entrance' (it was not like he meant it…).

Zero looked at the pair, deciding it was most likely a mistake that he came out of the training room. Damn it. He sighed nonetheless.

"What is it, Yuki?" he knew better than to ask the gesticulating man behind him for information, if he wanted it to be useful. ("-gasp!")

Yuki ignored the pained gasp from the Headmaster, "He said there were two guests today… for the Night Class…and you."

The irritated frown was a sign that Zero did not like the guests one bit, even if he hadn't met them yet. Damn it. He looked towards the black limo, and jerked his head to it. "That them?"

Before Cross could answer (yet again, in a sparkly and overly-enthusiastic way…), Yuki blocked him, "Uh-huh".

Zero sighed. Glancing at the students that had gathered around them, he fixed his usually scary glare and scowl before muttering,

"Scat."

…which the students did, without much question. He walked towards the black limo, getting ready to open the door when a man in a black suit stepped around and opened it for him.

"Much appreciated, Hoshu…" the tip of a red shoe descended on to the granite ground, followed by a white stocking-ed leg…

"…Kaien, is that you?! You grew!!" a top hat covered their view of the speaker, who was wearing a formal looking black suit and waving a wooden cane.

Yuki glanced at Cross, then the limo, then Cross again, "Headmaster… you know them?"

"Of course! Arsashi-san, Kurenai-san, it's been such a long time since we talked! And this is actually the first time I've seen you two in the flesh… I didn't realize you were as small as you said…" Cross said as he looked down at the two guests.

A small blonde girl who was wearing a little red and black Lolita dress blinked up at him, "We're cute.", she tugged on one of her long pigtails.

"See?"

The blonde in the black suit nodded and raised her cane to tap lightly on Cross' cheek. "You ARE taller than the picture… ah, and this must be your kawaii Yuki-chi! (XD)" she said and poked Yuki's cheek.

Yuki could only helplessly look at Cross then, when she realized she couldn't really count on him to help her out, at Zero.

…who was now being meticulously fussed over by the Lolita-wearing girl.

"…your skin looks really pale…Have you been drinking well?? ..and don't even get me started on the current state of your uniform!! Haven't you been taught how to greet guests properly?? Now, say something!! Don't just stand there looking overly-broody!!"

"But Kazu, he is broody after all. To ask him to change would be too, too much! … I will not leave this school without a picture of you smiling, Zero Kiryu-chi, you can bet on it!... nice to meet you by the way. My name is Freya Kurenai… I am much older than I look, and yes, you may glare at us in your non-committal sort-of-way as you lead us to the Moon Dormitory!"

Zero was, in fact, glaring in the way 'Kurenai-san' described, and if one were to listen to the thoughts inside his head, they would no more profit in it than if they would listen to a bee hive. A lot of grumbling.

The Lolita-clad girl pointed a defiant finger up in the air, "To the Moon Dorms, then, Zero-chi!!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT ANNOYING NICKNAME!!" Zero bellowed, glaring down at the two.

The redder (XD) of the two merely clung on to Zero's arm and flashed a mega-watt smile, "My name is Kazuya Arsashi. (3) I'm younger than that other one…though it doesn't mean I'm less rabid."

Freya smiled and tipped her hat to Cross and Yuki, "Fare thee well, Yuki-chi, Kaien-shi(1)! Now, Zero-pon-chi, TO THE MOON DORMS!!"

--

Ichijou looked up from Kaname's paperwork (why was he doing them in the first place??), towards the door, from where he heard the strangest name…

"Zero-pon-kuru-chi!!"

"Zewo-rinnnn!!"

"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-chi!!"

"Je-Ro-Riiiinnnnnnnnn!!"

"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-chi!!"

"ZEROOOOO!! … COKE ZEROOOO!!"

"…yeah, I am getting kinda thirsty… Zero-pon-kuru-mappu-dokidoki-achuu-chi, knock on yonder door and ask for permission to enter."

Ichijou smiled. What… interesting names Zero's guests were calling him. He really should take them down-

BAMMM!!

"Kyaaaa!! Poow mistew doow!! Zewo bwoke mistew doooooooooowwwww!!"

Exclaimed a little girl in a Lolita dress, as she swung back and forth from Zero's arm. Another girl entered, and upon doing so, swept off the top hat on her head.

"Gokigenyou, kyuuketsuki-san!! (Good day, vampire-san!!)"

It seems not only Ichijou found the noise quite…attractive. Many were already woken up by then, and Aido spearheaded the 'complaints committee' for this day.

"Ichijouuuuuu… what the heck is with that noise??"

"Hanabusa…"

"Oh, Aido, Kain. It seems that we have guests…" the blonde vampire replied, glancing at the two girls who were now seated across him.

"Akatsuki Kain-dono!!(2)… and Aido. Good morning to you two." The one in the black suit said, smiling a most familiar smile at the two cousins.

Aido twitched. He didn't like feeling less special. It seems he won't be liking that one. Now, about that other one…

Kazuya stood up and bowed, fixing an almost bland look on her face at the cousins, "Ohayou gozaimasu. I hope you both had some last night."

Aido stopped in mid-scrutiny. Kain, however, seemed not to have heard as the girl in the black suit stood up as well and offered him her seat.

"I will not have Akatsuki Kain-dono standing while I sit in comfort! … have you eaten breakfast already, Akatsuki Kain-dono?" she asked.

Kazuya sensed the ominous waves of hatred Aido was radiating and decided to help out the less fortunate, "Ano, Aido… you can sit over here if you want."

It was a sweet gesture in itself…if only Kazuya wasn't presenting the side table-top.

Ichijou smiled and held Aido by the hem of his shirt. "Calm down. Now, how can we help you two? And Kiryu-san, as it seems you're not letting him escape."

Zero was being held to the ground by the wooden cane… with no one holding it.

"Let-me-go!Argh… stupid wooden cane…" he grumbled.

"Ano, Ichijou-sama, if I may ask about Senri Shiki-sama and Kaname-chi?" the blonde in the black suit asked, popping out behind him.

As if on cue, a small scuffle was heard coming from the general direction of the kitchen. Soon, a mop of dark brown hair was sighted atop a (bear) pajama-clad teen hugging a huge cookie jar. He scuffled over to the nearest couch and plopped down, oblivious to all that surrounded him. Well, at least until Ichijou called his name…

"Shiki?"

The bear-pajama-clad teen, also known as Shiki, looked up and proceeded to crawl over to the blonde. Upon reaching his destination, he then laid his head on Ichijou's lap, and resumed his oblivious-ness.

The two 'guests' looked. Soon, a flash blinded the vampires' eyes.

"Captured! At… nine forty-seven am… sugoi Kazu, I didn't expect it this early!" Freya said, keeping something in her top-hat.

The one nicknamed 'Kazu' nodded, though kept her somewhat uninterested face, "Good for us, then."

Ichijou blinked. Hm?

As it seemed that everyone was being too acceptant of the two strangers, Kain took it upon himself to ask, "…What are you two doing here? And why do you have Kiryu hostage?"

Kazuya took it upon herself to answer the latter, "Kiryu is here as bait." She said, seemingly brandishing Zero's arm (about the only part she could brandish then).

"Tis true, tis true, Akatsuki Kain-dono! Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi is bait of the highest caliber! We have been assured so by our thoughts and intuition. Are we perhaps bothering you, Akatsuki Kain-dono?"

But before Kain could even reply, Zero yelled, "STOP CALLING ME THAT!!"

"Stop calling you what, Kiryu-kun?"

And as if the mere voice of the president of the Night Class could have been the sword needed to cut through this melee- well, it seems to be so-, the occupants of the lounge turned to the staircase to find Kaname Kuran.

"Ah! Kaname-chiii-"

WHOOSH!!

In mere seconds, Kaname Kuran had earned a brand new arm accessory.

Kazuya looked up at him with an expression of utter…uh…'rapture' (?), "Kanaaaameeee-samaaaaa…."

In fright (of another fangirl stalking their beloved president) Aido and Kain swept out their weapons and pointed them at the 'accessory'.

"Stop! Get off Kaname-sa—"

Aido was in turn stopped by the wooden cane landing squarely on his head.

"Cease and desist! Aido, you mustn't even try, to pry off a fan such as Kazu is a plea for death and humiliation!! And Akatsuki Kain-dono, I would rather die thrice than face the mere thought of you being injured!!" Freya exclaimed, grasping Kain's hands.

…and did anyone notice that there was still a wooden cane pinning Zero to the ground?

Meanwhile, 'rabid fan' Kazu was leading Kaname (they're now both chibis) on to a space in the couch, leading him gently by his hand.

Ichijou smiled (XD again) and looked at Zero. "Kiryu-san, are you alright down there? You seem to be getting off better than Aido is…"

(Aido was currently trying to feel for the rather large bump on his head.)

Zero chose not to reply and instead focused with renewed energy to pull himself off of the floor. Where did his renewed energy come from? I guess the 2 guests can answer…

"…oi, mitte, Kazu! Zero's fighting some more!! Maybe the fact that Kaname-chii is so close… may be it spurred him to action!! … jeez Zero, you could spur more than that!" Freya intoned, massaging the nonexistent tension away from Kain's shoulders.

Kazuya looked up from her current 'hand-holding' (-worship??) session and stated blandly, "I'm just ecstatic to see Kaname-sama. I know Zero is too. And more importantly, I know they're really for each other… to have and to hold…to love and to cherish…"

"In sickness and in health, between the realms of life and death, amen! …now, if we only had a ring, and if I only had my fake license as a priest. Akatsuki Kain-dono, would you like some tea? Cookies?"

Freya chose to ignore the apparently strong grip Shiki had on the cookie jar.

However, Kain chose to notice his cousin, who was growing mushrooms (3) at the corner of the room, in a dejected pose(4).

"Hanabusa… the bump on your head is swelling." He observed, as he held the blonde's head closer. His fingers gently tapped the bump, which drew a pained gasp from the vampire.

"Itte itte, Akatsuki…"

As Freya watched the scene (with her video camera recording everything), she nudged the half-vampire at her feet. "Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi, do you want to be free now?"

That question, for Zero, was like asking him 'Do you want to breathe?'. Of course he nodded.

"Then…" Freya tapped the cane with her foot and it released Zero.

Zero, like any once-bound and frightened forest animal (XD) sprinted towards the (now damaged) door. Fortunately, a lasso caught him by the waist and pulled him back with so much intensity that he was pushed against the couch…or that part of the couch…with that person… on the couch…person-

Simply put, he was sitting on the lap of Kaname Kuran, who looked mildly surprised by this development. Yet inside, he was wholly amused.

Freya looked. She fumbled in her top hat and pulled out a rather large syringe.

"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi, hold still while I collect some blood from you. It seems that it's been concentrated in your face, in what is otherwise known as a blush." Freya said as she walked towards the couch.

Zero tried in vain to free himself (once more XD), paling slightly at the sight of the too-large syringe pointed at him. not that he was scared… too much… just enough.

To his surprise, a pair of arms held him close. Almost…defensively.

Freya stopped her tirade, acknowledging the act and dumping the syringe back into her top hat. She turned on her heel and sat at Ichijou's feet. She looked up at him.

"Will you adopt me?" (pyuuu) (whattheck?)

Then came an almost instant reply from Shiki, "No we won't."

"…why not? … is it because… if you have a child… you won't get to do it as often?" Freya questioned, tapping her cheek in thought.

Before Ichijou could do some damage control, Shiki decided to do more damage by replying, "Heck, we'll do it even if you were watching."

"Shiki!" the blonde vampire exclaimed, flushing a brilliant shade of red to rival Zero's.

Freya smiled. "Eh?"

Meanwhile, Kazuya was peering over at the KanZe. It was getting interesting. …a bit.

"Kuran-senpai, let go of me now…" Zero was avoiding eye contact with the vampire, opting to stare at the ground (from where he was freed earlier) instead.

Kaname, on the other hand, was staring at everything else that was going on (more particularly Shiki and Ichijou). He wore a face that rivaled that of Michelangelo's La Pieta..if only the La Pieta had looked half as amused.

"Shiki, quit it!" were Ichijou's only words as the younger vampire continue to regal tales of yore (also known as bed-stories) to the small blonde.

The pureblood couldn't fight the smirk that formed on his face. It was fun watching his friends 'talk' amongst themselves. He was so much amused, in fact, that he almost forgot about the package he had in his arms.

"…and since you're obviously not paying attention to whatever I'm doing right now I'm going to successfully free myself and hide in my room for the rest of this demented visit…" Zero continued, finally freeing himself from the whip (thank gods he found his switch blade) and slowly extracting himself from the vampire's lax grip.

Alas, those so-called 'lax' arms came back to life, hereby trapping him again. And it seems the captor is now prepared for conversation.

"Where do you think you're going, Kiryu-kun…?" (voice laced with honey anyone?)

Here, Freya decided to give some advice.

"Call him by his new pet name!! it's… Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii!!" Freya read off her hand.

Kaname's smirk merely widened as he pulled Zero closer. "That was a really cute name…but I prefer to call him 'mine'…"

"Hey, I don't remember saying you could own me, Kuran!" Zero objected.

(Everyone else seemed to have forgotten what they were doing and instead opted to listen)

The older of the two spoke, lips dangerously close to Zero's earlobe, "Would you want me to mark you now, then?" he purred.

Zero would forever deny (to the ends of the world and beyond) the shiver that ran up his spine at those words. Freya voiced his discomfort though.

"Kaname-sama, I believe that Zero would rather that you move this conversation-and whatever it may lead to-somewhere else… and preferably after our interview!!"

…

…

…

A chorus, "INTERVIEW??"

Fin

…for now…

--

Fix:………… it's dark…

Kaz:…and Fix has to leave.

Fix: goodbye cruel world, I bid thee well!! … see you on-line then, Kazu.

Kaz: And see YOU, dear uncooked and loved reader, next chapter where we FINALLY start the ACTUAL INTERVIEW.

Notes :

(1)Kaien-shi: sign of respect for a student or beginner… I think… but of what??

(2)Akatsuki Kain-dono: the highest title you can ever hope for…

(3)growing mushrooms and (4) dejected pose: from Suoh Tamaki of Ouran Highschool Host Club… you know it, we know it, the author knows it's not ours.

FYI: WE DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT BY MATSURI HINO. We could only hope… and pray… and be let down…

ETC: ciao!!

(you have just been etcetera-ed)

XD


	2. Chapter 2

Etcetera Corporations would like to remind all audiences to remain seated and be reminded that we own nothing of the characters that we cap—I mean, control. Thank you.

BEEP BEEP BEEP …

5…

4…

3…

2…

1—PYUUUUUUU!! TANTARAN-TARAAAANNNN!! SUUUUUUPER BUNNEEEEHHHHH!!

Freya: Ugh, get that bunny off the screen and slam it back into the freezer!!

Kaz: (wistful look on her face) I love that movie.

Ugh: Ugh. (drags bunny away)

Freya:………… (cough) (cue carnival music) Come one and all, to the magical land of—waitafreakin' minute… you lookin' for typical again?? … I thought Kazu ate you!! Anyway, here's my warning—NO TYPICAL. There is nothing typical in this motion picture that you are about to view in your head. Hopefully, said head is filled to the brim with yaoi thoughts and wishes.

Kaz: …(-burp-)

Freya: As I was saying… (cue carnival music again) Come one and all, to the magical land of Vampire Knight!! Where our favorite bishies are (surprisingly) fluent in the English language and are smart and pop-filled enough to make wacky (and yet correct) current-era references!!

Kaz: … (-tilts her head to the side-) …mmm…bunny…

Freya:… ugh, Ugh, could you get her some bunny from the kitchen? I think Ra's done with the bunny…

Kaz: … (pats her tummy) Bunny….mmm…in tummy…

Ugh: (nods) Ugh.

Freya: so… last chapter, you met us. And, if for some reason you hit your head on a bucket ™ and forgot about Vampire Knight, our wonderful bishies—

Kaz: Uh… (takes out a long piece of paper that looks like a huge map) …lesse… There's Zero…

("STOP CALLING ME THAT!!")

Kaz:…and..uh…Ichijou…

(Ichijou smiled. Again.)

Kaz: And egg- I mean- Aido…

("Ichijouuuuu… what the heck is with all the noise??")

Kaz: And with an Aido comes a Kain…

("Hanabusa… the bump on your head is swelling…")

Kaz: And with the cookie jar comes a Shiki.

("Heck, we'd do it even if you were watching.")

Kaz: …and to top the sundae of wonderful bishies off… Kaname-chii.

("Would you want me to mark you now, then?")

Freya: so, let's begin the wonderful interview!! Roll the cameras, Ugh.

Ugh: Ugh. (rolls the camera…)

ETC: enjoy!!

"MASTER ZEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"Shut up Hoshu!"

"BUT IT'S BEEN SUCH A LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGG TIME SINCE I LAST STARED AT YOUR PICTURE!!"

"Hoshu, Shut. Up."

"YOU LOOK SOOOOOOO MUCH MOOOOORE RADIANT THAN IN THE PHOTOS!!"

"Hoshu, I'll rip the damn photos up if you don't shut up!! What are you doing here anyway? And why are you driving those two crazy… things around?! And for god's sake, let go of my leg!!"

"…………………………." A moment of silent reflection…

"..MASTER ZEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

A wooden cane (same as the one that pinned Zero down on the ground only minutes before) suddenly separated the two.

"Hoshu, cease and desist! You must return to the depths of the car from which we hijacked!!" Freya exclaimed and fixed her top hat. They were standing out in the hallway of another lounge in the Moon Dorms, and Hoshu had just popped in to deliver their equipment.

Placing a box at the blonde's feet, Hoshu bowed, yelled Zero's name and exclaimed his feelings of utter sorrow and misery once again, and went off.

Freya looked up at the silver haired teen. "So, Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii, would you be so kind as to help me get these materials of torture into the lounge?" she asked pleasantly.

It didn't take long for Zero to answer, "NO."

"Such cruelty! Such despair! Such morose emotions threatening to overwhelm us all! Kazu, get the Kaname!" she exclaimed and pointed towards the lounge.

Kazuya nodded and began her merry little skippity-skip towards the dorm president.

(Freya had pulled out her flute and began to play a jaunty little skippity-skip-music for Kazu)

The Lolita-clad blonde skipped all the way (--home…?) to the lounge. There was a brief moment of silence before a loud 'thump!' was heard. In a mere minute, Kazuya has acquired 'the Kaname'.

"So, Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii, would you dare go against our whims now that we have Kaname?!" Freya intoned, waving her cane around (almost hitting both boys).

The 'last Kiryu spawn' (XD) merely blinked, "Still NO."

Kazuya observed this scene and came up with a very valid observation, " I think he's being such an ass even with Kaname-sama here because he's not close enough to him. He can't feeeeeeeel his awesomeness from a foot away… or maybe he just wants this-"

Kaz nodded at Kaname, who blinked and undid three buttons on his shirt.

"Bravo, bravo." Freya said as she clapped—her hands on Zero's back, as he choked very loudly and unexplainably on his own oxygen.

"Then, let us begin!!"

(Etc. Corps would like to interrupt this motion picture to announce that the rest of the presentation will now be in script form)

Kaz: (ahem!) Hello everyone.

Freya:… (behind the couch that they lounged on) Just a few more minutes and we'll be ready!!

Kaz: ..uh…right… So while we wait for whatshername-

Freya: Goldfish, hand me the check list.

Kaz: (blink) I'm no goldfish… (hands over the check list) Here you go.

Freya: (mumbles under her breath and checks the list) Ok, we've got the chains, the lie detector version 3.0, Hoshu's cell number, Ichiou's cell number and Toga's big, funny, tattered hat. We can begin!!

(Meanwhile. The couch sitting arrangement was like this: three seater- from Left to Right – Kain, Kaname and Zero; armchair to the left- Aido, loveseat to the right- Ichijou and Shiki; the girls were sitting on the two seater across them)

Freya: …so, did anyone get any last night? 

Shiki: (raises his hand) I did.

Ichijou: (blushing) Shiki!

Shiki: No wait…make that WE did. (smiiiiirrrk)

Freya: (nods) wonderful. Aido? Akatsuki-dono?

Aido: (will choose to ignore the obvious way he was insulted) …some…?

Kain: (looks to the side) no.

Freya:…(nods) Sad.

Kaz: (blink) And why not? Last night, if I'm not mistaken, it was very chilly.

Kain: (nod) precisely my point. Sometimes it gets too cold.

Freya: Your greatness astounds me, Akatsuki-dono! (grasping Kain's hands)

Kaz: Uh-huh. Now… Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Zero:…what the heck are you talking about?

Kaz: Hm…you know that sudden urge you get when you see Kaname-sama?

Zero: To shoot him? -.-

Kaz: (straight face too -.-) No. To bed him.

Freya: Yes, you hormonally charged boy you. Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii, don't you know what that is? You lived with—no, wait, they're divorced so it's only right that you don't know.

Zero: …??

Freya: Kaname? Did you dream last night? (innocent music plays in the background) A nice dream?

Kaname: …(blink)… Oh. Uh…yes. I think I did. (blink)

Freya:… Kaz, lie detector.

Kaz: (nods) (grabs a little pet carrier and opens it) (out comes a white fox with a perpetually smiling face (1) ) (the fox walks over to Kaname and sniffs the air)

…

Freya: Well, Gin-chan? (the fox nodded and trotted back into the cage) I see. Wet dream questions, over. (check!) Now, question number one: What article of clothing would you prefer to be reborn as?

Kain:… reborn?

Shiki: OO oh gawd… articles of clothing are born?? …I didn't know that.. (grabs cookie from his cookie jar and starts nibbling on it thoughtfully)

Ichijou: (pats his head dismissively) Clothes aren't born Shiki, she's just asking what article of clothing you wanted to be.

Shiki: Oh. That's easy. I want to be YOUR articles of clothing.

Everyone else: (sweatdrop)

Freya: Duly noted. Aido, you?

Aido: Well, all I know is that I don't want to be a shirt …because Akatsuki doesn't really like them-

Kain: the maids have a thing against my shirts, I actually like them. … specially the black one. In response to your inanely weird question, a sweater.

Kaz: Why a sweater?

Kain:… I like keeping things warm. (shrug)

Freya:…(sniff,sniff) Understood. And Kaname-chii, Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Kaname: …a shirt with many buttons…so I'll be hard to remove.

Freya: Purposeful! …and kinda kinky. Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Zero: A jacket with many zippers, so that I'll most likely not be worn and be safe inside the closet.

Kaname: …I like those kinds of jackets…

Ichijou: You never wear them though…

Kaname: (looks at Zero purposefully) …but I will now (insert a mind-noise 'rawr' here).

Freya: Ichijou, Shiki, you two never answered me…

Shiki: I said I wanted to be Ichijou's articles of clothing, didn't I?

Freya: Specify!

Shiki: … (straight serious face) Why, his underwear of course.

(Etc. Corps would like to remind the viewers that we are an institution apart from the MTRCB-rating-ruled groups)

Freya:………ignoring Ichijou's blushing and everyone else's shocked and bemused expressions, I dare ask you, WHY?

Shiki: Simple. Because it's the last article to go before we-

Ichijou: (puts a hand over Shiki's mouth) Scarf. It always chokes people very easily. (mega-watt smile) Shall we move on now?

Freya: Quite. Next question; Compare your partner to a flavor. Yes, a flavor. Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Zero: Uh…first of all, I have NO partner. Second, how on EARTH can you keep on repeating that AWFUL SOUNDING NICKNAME??

Freya:…because I am always assured that it annoys you. Therefore, I have reason! And reason dictates that I annoy you more! … and what are you saying? You haven't realized that you're sitting beside him right now?

Zero: (raises an eyebrow) …Kain-senpai?

Freya: O.O whooee… (fans herself with the checklist) uhh… well, that would certainly be the hottest thing but—

Aido: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! AKATSUKIIIIIIIII!! ('glompshes' Kain)

Kain: (ish glompshed) Hanabusa. (hugs back)

Freya: --I don't think I'll be able to handle that much heat… ehehehehe………… ehm… yes, I MEAN KANAME, YOU COCA COLA ™ MERCHANDISER!!

Kaname: How could you be so mean, Je-wo-bean… (smirk)

Zero: wha- now YOU'RE doing it?! Oh, I've had enough of this—

Freya:…I'll call Hoshu. Seriously. He's just outside. On photobucket ™.

Zero: … (quietly deliberating on which fate is worse….) … (huffs and stays in his seat)

Freya: Good puppy. Now, answer me, Shiki! Oh, Liberal One…

Shiki: …uh….cookie-flavor.

Freya:--apparently, you're not as creative as 'Runway Secrets' hopes you are. (another motion picture in progress by Etc. Corps)

Shiki: Oh. Did you want that other flavor that I get when we-

Ichijou: (jams a cookie in his mouth) Forgive him, he's muddled up.

Freya: (nods) … Akatsuki-dono. How about you and Aido?

Aido: (still fuming after Freya's attempt at pairing Kain with someone else) …Akatsuki…uhm… Chocolate, I guess.

Freya: Reason! Reason, or I'll sic Gin-chan on you.

Aido: (pink) (deep breath) –BECAUSE HE'S SWEET AND HE MAKES ME FEEL ALL BETTER ALL THE TIME.

Freya: (quietly to herself: Why must he scream it so?) Uh-huh. Okies. Akatsuki-dono?

Kain: (blink) …Vanilla-Lemon.

Kaz: …and you say this from an experienced point of view…?

Kain: (flat look) Yes.

Kaz: O.O oh.dear. …………………………………….. (really quiet voice) ok.

Freya: …Now, Kaname-chii. A decent answer, please.

Kaname: … (sigh) I would love to answer but… (glances at Zero) …He's refusing me.

Freya: And who in their right mind would… now, just think, I know you have a wild imagination. I won't bring up the things we heard from your room last night… (cough).

Kaname: …strawberry…so I can lick him all day long. (wistfully looks at Zero's shoulder)

Freya: (pyuuuu-face) Sure. Everyone would love that. Like Coke-Zero. Uh-huh. Yeap. Right. Ichijou?

Ichijou: … Mint. (mega-watt smile)

Freya: Uh… I'll take that as a threat to not ask anymore. (nod) very well. Third question—

Kaname: Wait. … Just what is this 'Coke Zero' you often speak of, and how is it related to mine?

Freya:--Would you like to be turned into a girl? If you were one, without any choice, what would be your reaction?

Aido: (blink) I think…it would be…exciting to be a girl… but it'll be too troublesome. (has much experience, with his mother's daily rants and what not…)

Kain:… If I had no other choice, I guess I'll accept with about 10 minutes of screaming. (shrug) Girls have it tougher anyway.

Ichijou: Oh, I wouldn't mind. Everyone already thinks that I could be a girl, either way. I think it would be fun. (mega watt smile)

Shiki: … no.

Freya: Fine, what if Ichijou was a girl?!

Shiki: …yay.

Ichijou: … I didn't know you were that dissatisfied… (attempts to leave love seat)

Shiki: (grabs Ichijou by his waist) It's just that it suits you so perfectly…I don't think I'll have any problem adjusting to it. But I may have to change my motto to "Let us make heirs!!" or something…

(silence from the witnesses)

Freya: … I would love to refer you to a marriage counselor, except he's busy breaking up a music-fest in the kitchen right now… (cough)

Kaname: …did you purposely ignore my question?

Freya: (grabs a picnic basket from behind the couch and hands it to Kazuya) Break out the Coke Zero, I'm thirsty. Anyway, Kaname, your answer?

(everyone is now staring in awe at the words 'ZERO' on a coke can)

(…truly astounding, it is…)

Freya: ooh, something to drink! (pops open Coke Zero –in can- and drinks) ah… definitely, Zero's the best…

Kaz: Ah, you bet… (gulp) This one's soooo much nicer than the other, too. So nice and polite… (stares at can) …and so filling, and bubbly, and nice –wait. Did I already say that? Oh well- and cute…

Freya: and good for the body!

Both: (high five's) WE HAVE BEEN ZEROED!! YAY!!

Kaname: (stares at his can) Yeah, I guess it is better-

Zero: (stands up, heads for the door) I've had enough of this, I don't care if you call my wacko-butler, I'm leaving!

Kaz: Ah, there goes a truly brave soul. One who leaves things unfinished and hanging.

Freya: Yes, there goes the wayward brother, who –it is rumored- was the exact shape and consistency of a jelly bean when he was born and until he was scarred by food… (raises coke zero) To Coke, to Zero, and to Coke Zero!!

(Everyone: (toasts) )

Zero: (slams door)

…

Freya: oh, pudding, he actually left! … uhm… I—

Shiki: …Ano, while our dorm president stares off into nothing, may I ask who this 'Hoshu' is and how is he connected to Zero's suffering?

Both: HE IS THE BEST BUTLER EVER!! (Etc. Corps would like to apologize for the lack of a song number at this point, as we are too damn proud to let you hear us sing… we also care about your ear drums)

Freya: he took care of Zero, took pictures of Zero, gave Zero to the world wide web… see, we have a poster of him, posing for Coke Zero.

(if you can imagine a naked-from-the-waist-up Zero drinking a Coke Zero can like there's no tomorrow- or like he has no shirt, yes, that is the poster… yes, ladies, drool… that is hotness being covered with the summer's favorite drink…)

Kaz: Hoshu practically BREATHES photobucket and photoshop!! He's one of our best Zero-oriented references!!

Kaname: (abruptly stands up and goes –after Zero-)

Freya:………… anyone want this? Coz, I've like a dozen of his half-naked photos.

…

(care to go outside camera-man?)

-outside…-

(thank you, camera man)

Zero sighed, when he finally discerned that no little-girl was following him up the tree he resided in. The branch was strong enough for one person, so he leaned against the tree- and cursed many curse words in his head.

It was already around mid-day and there were no Night Class students to behold outside their respective dorm rooms. The Day Class students were, thankfully, still cooped up in their classrooms.

Zero glanced around, and as any runaway animal knew, decided to change hiding places, as it was not wise to stay in one place all the day long, simply waiting to be caught.

He jumped to the ground—

--and right into someone's arms.

-back inside…-

(thank you, Ugh!)

Freya: and that is the story of how we got all these half-naked photos of you, Zero, Akatsuki-dono and Kaname-chii. Satisfied, Shiki?

Shiki: (nods) Now, would you mind telling us WHY you know so much about us??

Freya: WIKIPEDIA! And, Chibisuke's.

Kaz: Allow us to tell you the full-length story…

-back outside…- in the shade of the tree…-

"…Kuran-senpai, let go of me." With a flat look, he attempted to wriggle away from the vampire, currently holding him around his waist, his arms pinned to the side.

Kaname was frowning ever so slightly, "Why do you run from me, Zero?"

"The question is, why wouldn't I?" unfazed, he was still trying to be free.

"…I guess you're right...but you should at least give me a chance-"

"To what, get rid of me once and for all? We both hate each other anyway. So why bother?" Zero's eyes fell to the ground, and he stilled. "So, let go of me now?"

Kaname's grip loosened, "…Who said I hated you…?"

Zero looked bewilderedly up at him. "You?"

The taller of the two shrugged, "Well…I had to…"

"Why??" Zero asked, as confused as a wolf being freed from its trap.

"…Because it was the only way things could fall perfectly into place."

…

… …

… … …

"…So… DO you hate me?" the silver haired ex-vampire hunter looked, leaning against the tree, arms crossed and looking less willing to run away than before.

Kaname took a moment to console himself for suddenly blurting out part of his (-controller complex..?-) plan to Zero (OF ALL PEOPLE) before he replied, "…I have no reason to. Well, since I don't, and you don't aside from the fact that I 'hate' you, which I don't, we don't really have a reason to hate each other, other than our mutual 'hate' towards each other--"

Zero began to walk away.

"Alright-fine- I DON'T HATE YOU."

Zero turned, his hands jammed into his pockets, looking boyishly at him.

"Ok."

-back inside…-

Freya:… and then, I said, 'Kazu, you don't really believe that, do you?' cause really, I thought she didn't! and then, the camera guy said, 'Uh, we're done filming…' actually, we were done filming since five hours ago…

Kaz: (nod, nod) Any other questions?

Kain: …why does she call me Akatsuki-dono?

Kaz: Coz she wants to. Next!

Freya: BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!

Aido: ((here we go again --;)) AH! OH NO YOU DON'T!! AKATSUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!

Freya: -kidding. i love you two, together. Anywayz, where are those two?? Did they probably go and hit the bases while we were discussing matters of absolutely no importance whatsoever??

Kaz: Nope. I don't think they're hitting off those bases just yet. I think they're just discovering them…

Freya: …O.O oh. Ok. Uhm. I… gotta… say this is the best damn interview we've done so far! It totally beats the radio shows with the perfect triangle and the wolf—O.O Yzaaaaaaaaaaakk……

Kaz: (slaps Freya) Not now, dammit.

Freya: -oomph! … ok, fine, got it. I'm back! … anyway, we'll ask you the last question for now, since we do have to eat lunch… GIMME THREE WISHES!!

Aido: Peace at Cross Academy, my own garden of sunflowers, and…. Akatsuki's happiness.

Kain: I'll wish the other two wishes to Hanabusa. I don't have any use for them anyway.

Shiki: Cookies, more cookies…and (whisper) Ichijou turning into a girl.

Freya: forever? Cause, I can do that. I know a doctor… who's really thorough…

Shiki: … Well, if Ichijou would want to-

Ichijou: (attempts to get off of shiki –yes, he's been sitting on his lap since that two questions ago)

Freya:… right… uhm, I hear heavy footfalls, so I assume that Kaien-shi's pet-divorcee has come to get us for lunch.

(cue door opening)

Toga: Give me back my hat!

Freya: when pigs fly higher than Team Rocket!! (runs away from Toga)

Toga: (takes out his gun and poises for a chase…but before that--) (blink) Oh. Right. (takes out mini-sticky note) Cross wants y'all for lunch.

Freya: Damn right he does! I wanna taste his style of cooking!! (and not die) (grabs Kazuya and the fox) Let's go, Kazu, Gin-chan!

Kaz: We'll resume the interview after lunch!!

Freya: Let's go get Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii, and Kaname-chii, so we can all have lunch together!!

SLAM!!

…

Fin…

…for now…

--

Kaz: It's…getting mildly dark outside…

Fix: yes… and I'm cutting it close! Then again, I am an accomplished diplomat…

Note: (1)Gin-chan the fox, is of course, Ichimaru Gin—in fox form. He is from the super cool anime and manga, BLEACH! But this fox form of him is Etc. Corps own doing. We credit it to Muraki Kazutaka, also not our property, and as to why he has appeared? WE LOVE HIM TO PIECES.

Freya: that's true. Anyway, you may be wondering where the hell this motion picture-fic-interview is going… DON'T ASK!! Even I don't know… Kaz?

Kaz: So, for now, it's so long, farewell, auf wiedersen, goodbye.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooddddd BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! ((awful recitation of a Sound of Music song))

Freya: Hoshu is an OC, ok? We don't really know if Zero had a wacko-butler. And, for all mentions of Coke Zero, we'd like to thank Coca Cola. And that bucket? We'll explain in the next chapter.

(You've been etcetera-ed!)


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: ……………………….

Fix: (on the ground, twitching)………. Y-yaoi…….

Kaz: …( on a similarly…devastated state) …..K-KanZe….

(cue uber dramatic Japanese drama music)

Fix: Oh, all is lost…! (twitches)…. But… what is that bright light that I see from yonder?

Kaz: It's…It's… …….. OUR FIC!!!!!!!!! (-shameless plugging-)

Fix: Damn straight! (pops out of the ground….?) Hello, VK-universe!!!! …. And of course, KanZe shippers, ahoy!

Kaz: …(goofy grin) Hi.

Fix: Arr, mateys! Welcome aboard shippers from all corners of the known YAOI world. I be your Cap'n, Fix of the High Seas!

Kaz: And I'm … Kaz from the…Low Seas…? ………………. Parlay????

Fix:Yar, mateys, it be a long haul since----

(Nega-Kaz: Quit the pirate talk.)

Fix: …. It's been a while, hasn't it? Such a long time… an extremely long time… and now I am prolonging your pain.

Kaz: …Aw…poor readers…

Fix: …(looks at her tummy) 'M hungry. … … … LEZ ROK!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"…It LOOKS like curry. It SMELLS like curry…."

"BUT IT'S ACTUALLY ROCKET FUEL!!!!!!!!!!"

Freya Kurenai looked at the dark haired vampire hunter, 'innocence' in her big green eyes. "Really, Toga-bastard? It's rocket fuel? How would you know?"

Toga could not hold back a twitch, "I've had it before. Many, many, many, many…"

Zero threw the oven mitt at the back of Toga's head, looking at him with a level glare. "He had it last week."

The cool, calm, and collected tone echoed in the small but cozy dining room. Everyone looked.

"Wow," Fix mused, "you're quite pliable today… Almost as if you've been laid just a while ago."

Before Zero could sputter indignantly, Kaname replied, "There was no room."

"But you're resourceful, right?" Fix asked, while reaching for Toga's hat. Again.

While Toga ducked away from the small girl's vicious grip, Kaname just HAD to talk again, "Yes…but I don't think Zero would like it. At that moment. ……. …… …..I'm not a rapist."

At this, Kazuya and Fix burst into laughter. Toga looked at them questioningly.

"The hell?"

Kazuya took a few gulps of much needed air before managing to speak, "Well…It's just that Kaname….and decency……IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!"

Fix had fallen off her chair, and was now rolling over the floor, laughing her head off.

The blush on Zero's face was a shade of deep crimson, and he was about to leave for a saner place when Headmaster Cross entered with the rest of the food.

"Zero…? You can't leave now! I just finished making lunch!!"

Zero was adamantly ignoring the man.

"And I have your favorite soup…' Cross continued.

Zero stopped walking. Just stopped. No one knew what he was going to do next.

Until a hand came and grabbed his ankle. "Don't leave Ze-o! Don't leave! We still have to talk and catch up on the good old days, before the horror that was a restraining order!"

Lifting his foot (with Fix attached to it), he tried vainly to shake her off.

"I'll let go only if you stay!" Fix clung tighter, like a desperate child clinging to Santa Claus, yelling for her present.

Shaking his foot a bit more and finally realizing that there was no escape from the little…parasite, Zero returned to his seat with an annoyed huff.

Finally, the parasite released his ankle and crawled up to her seat. "Hai, Kaien-kaa-san, we're ready to eat now!"

Headmaster Cross smiled warmly at the little girl (-a little noise was heard from Toga at the sight-) and proceeded to serve the lunch food he practically slaved over.

"Itadakimasu!"

While the rest of the people seated began to eat, Zero could only stir his soup despondently.

Kaname blinked, noticing this, and dared to ask, "Why aren't you eating your food, Zero?"

Once again, Fix and Kazuya burst into laughter, albeit of a more controlled kind (Fix hadn't fallen off her chair yet).

The brunette was obviously displeased. Normally, he would only be laughed at for at least once a day (and usually by Ichijou). "What's so funny this time??"

The two girls continued to laugh, pushing Cross to giggle quietly, and Toga to smirk at the pure blood.

Kaname could not help the indignant little squeak, "What??"

Toga took the liberty to answer the question, "Well Kuran, the funny thing is that you seem to be lacking your observation skills today." …or not.

Kaname took this as a hint and looked at Zero. Zero glared back, almost as if he was saying 'Mind your own business' or 'Even if we've established that we don't actually hate each other, I am still not of the right frame of mind to call you a friend and thus tell you about my problem'.

Kaname just blinked again and tilted his head to the right, "Huh?"

The silver haired hunter sighed and took one sip of the soup, placed the spoon beside it, and stood up and left.

Everyone else looked on at the brunette, fully expecting him to follow Zero like an owner does with a lost puppy.

…

Annoyed, Kaname DID stand up to follow Zero but not without a parting sentence, " Why do you people always have to be right????"

"Because we're not you." Fix answered quite soberly. "So, have you found out yet? The reason that we're laughing?"

"… … … … Zero has…unhealthy eating habits…?"

Toga chuckled, "Close. Try again, Kuran."

"… … … … Zero……………has food allergies…??"

Cross smiled, "If taken literally, yes."

"…."

Kaname left the room without another word…but not before grabbing a piece of bread.

Fix blinked. She nudged Kazuya and grinned maniacally. "Love."

…

As soon as a tolerable rate of silence had descended on the dining room, the two small girls decided to let the madness begin…again.

(Fix: Roll the script form!)

Fix: So, Toga, Kaien, how long have you two been divorced?

Toga: (sputter) D-Di-Divorced???????!!!????

Fix: Are you just legally separated? Or is it annulled already?

Toga: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????????????????

Kaz: Do I have to explain it to you? Well, it starts with this thing called 'love'…then it goes to the marriage facility…and then after many days or weeks…or years…you figure out that it wasn't really 'love' or that you can't be together for some strange and probably stupid reason…and then you decide to break up…which is kinda sad--

Fix: So, how long?

Cross: (blink) … if you're asking about how long Toga and I have been away from each other, I think it's around eight years, give or take.

Toga: ???????!!!!!!!!!????!?!??!?!?!?!?

Kaz: ahh…I see… Is there any chance of you getting back together?

Cross: We're still friends, if that's what you mean. 

Toga: WHAT'S GOING ON????????????!!???

Kaz: Toga, stop yelling like a caveman.

Fix: Fine, we'll drop the formalities. How long have you been doing Cross until he screams?

Toga: (nosebleed) (head falls on the table) (-thump-)

Kaz: wow. He actually fainted. Wait'll the Hunters Association hear about this.

Fix: Cross? If you don't want me to repeat the question, you better answer me right.

Cross: …………. (bwush) …Well….I can't really give a valid answer--

Kaz: --seeing as you're the one on the receiving end. Yep, we get it. (pokes Toga)

Fix: … … … .. … Let's put it this way, how long have you known the bastard?

Cross: Well…we've known each other since highschool…

Fix: Sweet. Next question, do you prefer the old Toga, your Toga I mean, or the current Toga, the bastard-ish one.

Cross: I've gotten used to him now…but I somewhat miss the old Toga from the highschool days. (looking wistfully away)

Kaz: Hey, I think Toga's waking up. (pokes Toga again)

Toga: What happened…?

Fix: Of course, the old Toga was sweet and caring and probably not obsessed with vampires as much. Oh, and he probably visited you for more than information back then.

Cross: Yes, that's true. (nods)

Toga: ….huh…? (is making a great impression of a confused canine)

Fix: Now, he's just an uncaring shell of the man you used to love. That's really sad. Why don't you find another guy?

Cross: I can't. I'm too busy running the school…and keeping track of all my wonderful children.

Toga: Who are you calling 'uncaring' ??

Fix: You. Duh. And you can! We can baby sit the school and Zero and Yuuki!

Cross: Oh, I'd hate to impose--

Toga: I'm not uncaring!!!

Fix: YES YOU ARE! And no, Kaien, it's no trouble at all!  Right, Kaz?

Kaz: Yep. We're free anyway.

Toga: I'll show you I'm not uncaring!! (stands up and goes over to Cross) … … You wanna go out…?

Kaz: (smacks her hand on her forehead) Oi.

Fix: He says yes. Now, go forth and don't come back until you can properly answer my question! (pushing the two out of the house)

Kaz: (blink) … … … … Pass the meatloaf please.

(To the outside world, where Zero is combing White Lily's hair at the stables)

Zero always liked coming to the stables whenever he felt like he needed some time alone, or sometimes, just plain annoyed or confused. He would have gone to his usual hang out- at the shooting range- if not for that something called a 'restraining order'. Dammit. It wasn't his fault he spent so much time in there!!!

He had to train!!...

…Dammit.

White Lily could sense his subtle anger, and tried to appease him by nuzzling her head into his shoulder.

And this was how Kaname found them.

Kaname tried his best to be calm. This was, after all, just a horse. Not a person, nor a vampire- just a simple-minded animal. He shouldn't be bothered--

White Lily bit Zero's shoulder. And the boy laughed, saying, "That tickles..."

OK. THAT CROSSED THE LINE.

"Zero." The brunette walked in the semi-dark stables, trying to keep his voice under control.

"…What are you doing here?" Zero asked, not bothering to turn around as he pressed his cheek against the horse's soft mane, reaching up to pat the spot between Lily's ears.

Kaname twitched. "I was…uh…worried. You left without finishing your lunch…."

"That's ok. I already ate."

"Oh." Kaname made a small scan of the stables… There was hay everywhere, a couple of cobwebs, some old wooden barrels… nevertheless, none of them appeared to be properly edible. "When?"

And the last Kiryuu spawn answered, as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world, "Two weeks ago."

Something stirred within Kaname. No, it wasn't his primitive vampire instincts that dictated him to take the silver-haired one down. It was a far more…'threatening' instinct…

…The motherly kind.

"What??!?"

Zero frowned a bit as he caught a tangle, "Two weeks ago, I said."

And that was when White Lily bit the tail of Zero's shirt and pulled it up, to expose the boy's slim waist. Zero grumbled, "Lily!"

In a flash, Zero got tackled to the ground.

…

Tackled. To the ground. By a pure blood vampire.

And they said he trained too much.

Sighing, as he was used to being tackled thanks to Headmaster Cross, he asked Kaname, "What now?"

Kaname was red. The sky was blue. The grass was green. The cows were---

Ooppss. Sorry. Where were we…?

Ah, yes…Kaname was indeed red. He was also a bit breathless, having pinned the hunter to the ground. It might take a couple of seconds before he can give a straight answer.

"Two weeks!" he exclaimed. Ok, make that a second and a half.

Almost as if it was reflex, Kaname stuffed the piece of bread into Zero's mouth.

Upon _his _reflex, Zero promptly choked.

(back to the two monsters of evil)

"Yeah, we're here…. As in, here…. As in, Cross Academy… Yes, as in THE Cross Academy… Yes, the one where HE's in……."

Fix was talking on the phone, kicking her legs as she sat on a high stool. Kaz was looking at the phone, as if trying to figure out who the parasite was speaking to.

A muffled yell was heard from the phone before the distinct sound of it being put down by the person on the other end of the line.

Kaz looked, "…It sounds like you've called a great evil…"

Fix nodded solemnly.

"Then let's go to a great good. TO AKATSUKI KAIN-DONO'S ROOM!!!!!!!!"

(back to the stables…)

Zero glared at the pure blood, before looking down again and throwing up into a spare bucket.

Kaname was looking at him quite apologetically, "How was I supposed to know you had certain…complications when it came to eating??"

Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Zero took a deep breath and looked at the vampire with a somewhat reluctant expression on his face. "Must you know?"

"… Will you tell me…?"

"…Do I have to?"

"If you don't mind…"

"Actually, I do…"

Kaname sighed and shrugged. "Well, I can't really force you to tell me. Actually, I can…but that will be considered evil. And I don't want you to think that I'm evil since we just got on level ground with each other. But then, how can we progress if you don't take a risk and tell me the truth? Or perhaps I'm already violating what little 'peace' exists between us--"

"My mother was a great cook." Zero cut in, looking the pure blood straight in the eye. "She always made sure we ate well, and every meal was like an eight-course feast. When I was six, I developed a condition that made me throw up whatever food came into my stomach because of my mental reaction to it."

"Oh."

"…If the food's great, I throw it up. Simply put, I can't stand great food."

"Oh….And here I thought it was because of me."

"No, you didn't do anything… You just… stuffed me with a croissant. With butter. And a bit of jelly inside. ……………………Why did you tackle me?"

Kaname glanced to his side, where he swore that White Lily was smirking at his…misfortune. "I..uh… It was reflex!!"

"Oh. Ok."

Zero went back to White Lily, running a hand through her mane before mounting her in one go. He looked at the pure blood. "I'm leaving."

"Uh…….. …. …. "

"Wanna come with?" Zero asked.

"I…don't think White Lily likes me."

"White Lily hates just about every one. Except me." The silver haired boy frowned (read: pouted) at this, looking at the horse in question. "Anyway, she won't do anything if I'm here. So…?" Zero held out his hand, tilting his head to the right.

Kaname blinked and took the offered hand. He mounted the horse pretty easily, which came as a surprise since White Lily was glaring at him with all the intensity of a burning sun.

"Hold on tight."

And the pureblood did. Though Zero wished he hadn't.

Three of Kaname's fingers had somehow gotten under his shirt, and Kaname's other hand was pressing against his hip. Zero coughed and urged Lily to move before the pure blood could notice his reaction.

"Is anything wrong, Zero…?" Kaname purred. Though it could have been just because his face was extremely close to Zero's ear.

"N-nothing…"

Suddenly, they felt White Lily speed up. Zero looked worriedly at the horse, "Lily?"

White Lily's eyes shone with the burning determination to run…far, far, far awayyyyy…for some strange, unexplainable, weird reason---

"ZERO!!!!!!"

In the distance, a wolf howled into the darkened sky, thunder and lightning pelted the once serene dome above the earth, the sound of maniacal laughter bade the monstrous ravens fly away from their perch atop a cold, lonely manor----

--Somewhere, but not here.

Here, there was a presence. A presence riding on a horse as dark as night itself, with gray eyes the same shade as White Lily's.

And the one riding it had silver hair tied up in a small ponytail, lilac eyes flashing in anger, and a voice that called,

"ZERO!!!!!!"

Ichiru Kiryuu had arrived.

(back to the two great evils----- in 'Akatsuki Kain-dono's' room)

"Akatsuki-dono, would you like a back massage?"

Kain blinked and shook his head…for the 17th time that day.

"Oh, pardon my ignorance. Would you like Takuma-sama to come and give you a back massage?"

Kain's eyes widened, "Uh…no."

Fix pouted. There went her fantasies. "Alright. Would you like for us to retrieve your shirts from the maids?"

Before Kain could answer, Kaz piped in, "NOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"

Fix nodded. "You're right." Looking out, she saw what looked to be two horses meeting each other in the fields.

"Ah. He's here. IT'S TIME TO RESUME THE INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!"

TBC

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaz: well, that chapter contained NO TRACES of the interview!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fix: (pouting) MY FANTASIES!!!!!!

Kaz: …I smell fried chicken.

Fix: I smell yaoi. And chicken. (pout) MY FANTASIES!!!!!

Kaz: (whaps Fix) We'll have time for that on the next chapter,

Fix: Ok, let's eat then. AND THEN WE'LL HAVE MY FANTASIES!!!!!!!!!! (big grin) oh and before I forget:

**THE TALE OF THE BUCKET™**

There once was a bucket that sat on the highest shelf of a closet, deep in the Moon Dorms. This bucket was lonely, and yearned for a friend. One day, when a certain silver haired vampire hunter opened the closet door, the bucket jumped with glee. He had found a friend!

He fell from the shelf to give his friend a big hug----

----giving Zero Kiryuu one hell of a concussion.

And since then, the bucket has been trying to make amends, attempting to hug his new friend every time he saw him, causing him only another concussion.

The End.

Fix: Yeah. I know. Flying buckets.

Kaz: So……………..see y'all next chapter..?

Fix After lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rawr. Have fun y'all.

**SNEAK PREVIEW:**

Some answers that we all would die for.

"Of course we slept together!"

--

"…There are two beds in our room? How come we only use one then?"

--

"Definitely. A very girly waist, if I may add."

--

"No, Zero tastes more like….. hmm…. Vanilla, with a hint of wine."

TBC--really.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: **

A Boy and His Apple.

Coming Soon.

Fix: I had a dream. A dream wherein I could type what I wanted, when I wanted…

Kaz: I had diarrhea… I ached where I didn't wanted…

Fix: Geez. Is this what food does to people? If so, then I guess Zero's right.

Kaz: …Uh…Food is evil…?

Fix: No, Ichiru is evil. AND HE'S HERE!

Kaz: I could tell you can barely wait so--

Fix: LET THE KANZE LOVE PREVAIL--- AND BE DISRUPTED BY SWEET, SWEET KIRYUUCEST!!!!!!! :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ichiru…?"

"Zero!"

"Ichiru…"

"Zero!"

"Ichiru."

"Zero!"

"…Ichiru…"

"Zero!"

"…" Zero sighed. It seemed there was only one way he would be able to get through to his brother. " 'Ru."

"Yes?"

Another voice piped in (one that does not like being ignored), "What the hell are you doing in Cross Academy??"

Ichiru Kiryuu looked behind his brother, only to find--- "Kuran! What are you doing riding with my brother?" he asked, glare almost as fearsome as his brother's.

Kaname shrugged, "Riding with your brother..?"

"…Is this what you've fallen to, Zero?... I thought you swore never to let a pure blood touch you, ever again." His younger twin's lilac gaze bore into Zero, that he didn't notice the pair of arms that had tightened their hold around him.

"In case you were never informed, Zero and I are now on better terms than before. And about the whole 'touching a pureblood' thing… I think it's the pot calling the kettle black." Kaname smirked.

The younger Kiryuu raised an eyebrow. Then, a lazy grin came upon his face. Urging his horse forward, so that he and Zero were now less than arm's length apart, he spoke to the pure blood.

"Better terms, huh?"

A black gloved hand crept up the side of Zero's face, to play with some loose strands of fine silver hair, while he drew his face closer to his brother's.

"Is that true… _Nii-sama_?" Ichiru whispered.

Kaname could not hold back the (-otherwise effeminate-) gasp at such…a display of affection. Nevertheless, his grip did not loosen.

Finally, it seemed that the vampire hunter had found his voice again. Zero took a deep breath and pulled Ichiru's hand away from his face. Not letting go, he asks, "'Ru, what are you doing here? Toga told me you were in Shiramine, on an assignment."

"I finished things up so I can be here with you." Ichiru smiled sweetly and intertwined their fingers, after which he stuck his tongue out at the pure blood.

Kaname kicked White Lily's side and sent the poor horse running at least 200 miles per hour. The brunette could not help sticking his tongue out as well as they sped faster and faster away from the 'source of all evil'.

Ichiru frowned at this, and pulled on his horse's reigns, "C'mon Black Peony, I won't let that pure blood get away with taking my Zero."

And with that, the chase had begun.

(back at the Moon Dorms)

(script form, rolls! Everyone's back at the lounge, in their initial positions, save for Kaname and Zero-- as they are yet to arrive, Akatsuki Kain-dono is alone on the three seater)

Fix: Let's continue.

Kaz: First question… What were your first impressions of Zero?

Ichijou: I thought he was adorable (smile). And very dangerous, too. I like him.

Shiki: At first, I thought he was harmless. Now…he's a threat. (takes out a list and scribbles something down)

Kain: … I thought… he was a person whose ire should not be drawn. Like Taku-- I mean, Ichijou-senpai said.

Shiki: … (looks suspiciously at Kain) What was that you almost said..?

Fix: Moving on! Aidou, what about you?

Aidou: I don't like him that much. He's bratty.

Fix: Look who's talking. Brat. Baby Brat. Baby Blue Boy Brat.

(sometime in the middle of those names, Aidou had covered his ears with his hands and began chanting 'NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA-CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING - NANANANANANANANANANA…')

Ichijou: Come now, Aidou. You're only proving her right, you know.

Aidou: (blinks) … Oh. (sits back down)

Fix: That's ok. You're a brat, I'm a parasite. You get used to it. Next question! … … … … … … … If you weren't with the person you're with right now, who would you want to be with? And why?

Kaz: I WANT TO BE WIT KANAME-CHAMA!

Fix: And I want to be with all the money in the world. But it's not happening. Get your goldfish-butt back here! (pulling Kaz to her real seat)

Shiki: No way in hell am I going to replace Ichijou.

Aidou: … … … (twitch)

Fix: COME OHN! It's theoretical. Never gonna happen.

Shiki: (seemingly pondering on the thought) …Nope, can't think about it.

Fix: Fidelity, thy name is Senri Shiki.

Shiki: Yep. That's my name. I'm loyal because I know that Ichijou will also be…

Ichijou: Theoretical, you say?

Shiki: O.O

Ichijou: Well, if it's theoretical, I see no reason to ignore it. After all, as you said, it would never happen. (sparkles) I'd never let Shiki leave me.

Shiki: I…sense a tone of disappointment.

Ichijou: You do? … If ever, I would probably go with Kain-kun…

Aidou: (gasp-eth)

Shiki: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ichijou: Come now, Shiki. Back to my answer, I already like Kain-kun well enough, he's nice and listens to me very well. Though he's probably more troublesome than Shiki is… (smile) Is that enough reason?

Shiki: (stares down at his hand as it opens and closes) … … … Well, it was just theoretical. … … … (curls into a ball)

Ichijou: (looks) Are you saying you'd willingly let go of me?

Shiki: …………………. I don't hold anything anyway. Not you, not anyone.

Ichijou: (pulls on his cravat, to show Shiki's marks on his neck) You don't, do you?

Shiki: (looks up)……………………………… …. … … … … I want a cookie.

Ichijou: I'll make you some if you say you won't ever let go of me… (smile)

Shiki: … If you say you won't let me go… … … …

Ichijou:…

Shiki: (stands up and stretches) Man, you guys will ask just about anything, will you? (looks at the general direction of the two girls)

Fix: … If I killed Ichiou, what would you do?

Shiki: I'd kill him before you do. (goes to the general direction of the kitchen) Later.

Fix: (pouts) I'LL KILL 'IM! ………………………… Akatsuki-dono? Your answer?

Kain: (glances at general direction of the kitchen) … Are you sure I can answer that?

Kaz: (biting the end of her hanky) Uh-huh.

Kain: … Ichijou-senpai, I guess. He's interesting, and I haven't figured him out yet. (glances at Ichijou)

Kaz: wow. I'm glad Shiki's out for the moment.

(muffled sounds from outside the door)

Fix: The hell? (déjà vu)

Kaz: The noises seem familiar….

(the door bursts open, with Kaname, Zero, and Ichiru in tow)

Fix: (gasp-eth) ICHIRU!!!!

Ichiru: (looks) …?

Fix: … I'm the one you talked to on the phone. You know, the Informant. Nice to finally meet you, you're our best customer as of yet.

Ichiru: oh. Thanks for the tip. …Now, where was I…? Oh yea..- I KNEW HIM BEFORE YOU DID!

Kaname: You lied to him, betrayed him, and left him for dead!

Ichiru: I did NOT leave him for dead! I left him so he can get stronger!!

Kaname: How do you expect him to get stronger if his precious younger twin isn't by his side?!

Ichiru: (smirk) You just called me his 'precious younger twin'…

Kaname: (indignant gasp)

Zero: I'm leaving if you two won't stop arguing like children.

Ichiru and Kaname: (shuts up and takes their seats)

Fix: Kaname, Ichiru, what were YOUR first impressions of the sex-god that is Zero Kiryuu?

Ichiru: The first time I saw him, which was a few moments after we were born, I wanted to become a part of him. Forever.

Kaname: I thought he looked like a delinquent. A cunning, problematic yet pragmatic, vulnerable delinquent. And now, I think he's mine.

Zero: ………………………………………

Fix: That's great. Kaz, next question.

Kaz: Is there any sport that you enjoy?

Aidou: table tennis.

Kaz: wimpy.

Aidou: HEY!

Kaz: NEXT!!

Ichijou: Fencing, Kendo, any type of sport that uses a sword--any sword--as a weapon.

Kain: … (looks to the side) Must I answer?

Kaz: …yesh. So we'll know how you got so………so………….utterly Kain.

Kain: … drag racing.

Kaz: kewl. And you, Zero?

Zero: (rolls his eyes) vampire hunting, of course…

Kaname: You're so good at it you've even caught me. (sexy smirk)

Ichiru: (glares, then smirks, and wraps his arms around Zero) He doesn't have to go through that much trouble with me, we were born to be together…

Kaname: Doesn't that say you weren't worth much fighting and therefore worth less than me?

Ichiru: After the chase, he'd get tired of keeping his prey, wouldn't you think? … and when he _does _get tired… (nuzzles his head against Zero's) I'll be there to make sure he _rests _properly, right Zero?

Kaname: (pulls Zero away) He won't get much rest with a person like _you _around.

Ichiru: (pulls Zero back) I know _everything _about my brother's body…

Fix: Really? What does he taste like, then? (blinkity-blinkity-blink)

Kaz: Taste like…? …………… Like…stwawbewwy…?

Ichiru: No, Zero tastes more like….. hmm…. Vanilla, with a hint of wine. (smirk)

Kaname: O.O

Zero: I-I-Ichiru!!!

Fix: Vanilla? Wine? How decadent! ………………… HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Zero: We used to share spoons before.

Ichiru: And our father had a weird sense of what 'brotherly love' meant. (smirk) We were each other's first kiss…

Kaz: O.O

Fix: O.O … O kyaa!

Kaname: ………(clutches at his chest in a very realistic 'heart attack' pose)

Fix: … … … … … … … … NEXT QUESTION.

Kaz: But we never knew Kaname and Ichiru's answers!

Kaname and Ichiru: (glaring vehemently at each other) Zero-hunting.

Kaz: Oh. Kay. I'm satisfied.

Fix: … … … Would you rather be a widow or a divorcee?

Aidou: A widow…probably. It's…better to stick to one person till the end.

Fix: How noble. How pure. How… cute.

Kain: Divorcee.

Kaz: Dare I ask why?

Kain: (level look) Revenge is sweeter, that way.

Kaz: O.O I never knew you could possess such…evil. I'm impressed.

Fix: (wants to throw herself at Akatsuki-dono's feet but can't) Sugoi!

Kain: If such a marriage would warrant a choice, I'd rather dispense justice myself. (shrug) 'Sides, I've seen too many coffins than is healthy.

Kaz: Ahh………sou. I see your point.

Ichijou: I agree with Kain-kun. Revenge is best served by a divorcee on a cod streak.

Shiki: (returns from the kitchen, hugging a cookie jar) (makes a quick scan of the lounge room) I see we've gotten a bit crowded…

Ichijou: (smiles) Welcome back.

Shiki: (uh…smiles back) (takes his seat) What did I miss?

Fix: Love and War!

Shiki: Oh. Not much then.

Ichijou: (hugs Shiki) Can I have one?

Shiki: (acting very docile) (takes a cookie from the jar) Here you go.

Ichijou: (bite) Thanks.

Fix: Zero? Kaname? Ichiru?

Zero: Widow. Definitely widow.

Ichiru: So you can have an affair with me?

Zero: What?

Ichiru: Neither. I choose to be with Zero forever.

Kaname: Widow.

Fix: … Expected. Shiki, do you take Ichijou as your lawfully wedded husband?

Shiki: … Why the topic change all of a sudden?

Fix: Would you rather have him die, then?

Shiki: If he won't be happy with me…

Ichijou: (stands up) I just remembered, there's some paperwork that Kaname hasn't finished yet. I should get back to work, I hope you don't mind.

Kaname: You finished all my work up until next year.

Ichijou: for the Council, no. Grandfather sent you a bunch of documents a while ago.

Kaname: You mean the ones I incinerated…?

Ichijou: … You didn't.

Kaname: yes, yes I did.

Ichijou: Those were… … … … the love letters from last week. Yes, I left them out for Aidou to throw into the burner.

Kaname: … … … (shrug) Either way, there's no reason for you to leave so abruptly.

Ichijou: (smiles) Would you rather that YOU do them?

Kaname: (cringes a bit) … …

Shiki: (tugs at the side of Ichijou's pants)

Ichijou: (looks) Yes…?

Shiki: Don't go. I'll stop being emo.

Ichijou: … … … … … … I really do have work to do…

Shiki: … … … (lets go)

(silence)

Ichijou: (walks out)

Shiki: … … … … …

Kain: (sigh, walks towards the door, looks back at Shiki) Ichijou-senpai's my friend. If you're not going to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, then I will.

Shiki: … … … (stands up, goes to Ichijou and hugs him) It's just that…whenever I have something…I always lose it one way or another. I thought that it was going to happen all over again.

Ichijou: … … … … … … … but I told you I'd never let you go… …. … … never let you let go of me…

Shiki: … … … (hugs him tighter) I believe you.

(silence…)

Fix: … … … … … … … … … … … … Is everything alright now?

Kaz: …I guess so… GAH! INTERVIEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Fix: uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uuhhhh…………………….. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU???????!!!!

Kaz: That sounds like an insult.

Aidou: A squirrel!!!

Kain: … mountain lion.

Zero: … … … An abomination…?

Kaname and Ichiru: NO! YOU'RE NOT AN ABOMINATION!

Ichiru: You're--

Kaname: --a puppy!

Zero: (pales) a what?

Fix: Now THAT was an insult. And it's true.

Kaname: I didn't mean it in an insulting way.

Ichiru: You're just too adorable, Zero… Sorry… (kisses Zero's cheek)

Kaname: Oh no you don't! (kisses Zeros' other cheek)

(flash)

Fix: Evidence. … (smirk) Now I have OTHER fantasies.

Kaz: ...Shiki…? Ichijou…? Are you guys in the right frame of mind to answer now?

Ichijou: …(opens his mouth to answer when--)

Kaname: Lynx! She-wolf! Tigress! O.O (hyperventilating)

Kaz: …uh…choose from the mentioned animals…?

Ichijou: (glancing concernedly at Kaname) …uhm… Lynx, I guess. What made you say that, though?

Kaname: … Simple. I work under your… … …

Aidou: Unrelenting gaze?

Kain: Unwavering command?

Shiki: …Tyranny…?

Kaname: All of the above.

Ichijou: (pout) I'm not merciless.

Kaname: …Yes…yes, you are…

Ichijou: If I was merciless, why would we have these? (snaps his fingers, suddenly, Aidou stands up and opens a closet… filled with papers… and papers… and a picture of Zero… and a bow and arrow set…)

Kaname:… O.O …precisely.

Ichiru: Stalker.

Kaname: Abuser.

Ichiru: Dominatrix.

Kaname: Molester.

Ichiru: Selfish brat.

Kaname: Twisted fiend.

Ichiru: Demonic spawn of hell.

Kaname: Merciless Hunters' dog.

Ichiru: Evil incarnated in the form of a seducer.

Kaname: The devil in the cheap imitation of the tastiest man alive.

Ichiru: That's… that's… (twitch) Where do you get off referring to my brother like he's a piece of grade-A steak?!

Kaname: You just never thought of it first!! Ha!

Zero: (stands up abruptly) I'm leaving. (glare) If I'm gonna be treated like I'm a piece of meat up for auction, I'm not going to stand for it. (looks at the girls) Just… ask Ichiru whatever you want to ask me, he knows me. (begins to walk towards the window)

Kaname: Zero!! … … I'll stop it if you stay. I don't know about…_him_ though…

Ichiru: Fine. I'll stop it as well. (glares at Kaname) It's not worth my breath. (pats the seat next to him) Sit here, Zero…

Kaname: (looks like he wants to say something smart… but shuts his mouth instead)

Zero: (walks back… and pats Kaz' head) Can I sit here, instead?

Kaz: (looking all docile) No. Now sit over there where you belong.

Fix: Sorry Zero. (smiles) If you want, I can always distract them with something else when they get rabid.

Kaz: Uh-huh. (tries to hide a smirk) (fails miserably)

Fix: Shiki, you never got to answer our question from… a page and a half ago. So, what kind of animal are you?

Shiki: (looks at you as if you were truly insane)

Kaz: (slaps her forehead with her hand) Oh- DUH! Shiki's already an animal!

Fix: Ooopsie, sorry 'bout that. Okay… uhh… next question!! (sticks her hand in her top hat) Lesse here… If faced with a pregnant Ichijou, how would you go about calming him down enough to get him to relax? Uhh, for certainty's sake, he's seven months in.

Shiki: O.O

Kaz: Shiki, it's just a QUESTION. It's not really true.

Shiki:..oh.

Fix: …unless… you WANT to have tw—kids.

Shiki: I like twins.

Zero & Ichiru: (abruptly grabbed each other's hands) …

Shiki: (glances at Zero and Ichiru) Did I do something to disturb you?

Zero: I don't need anymore vampires… chasing after me.

Ichiru: I just don't like you, sorry, Shiki. I like Ichijou-san, he's nice, but not you. Nothing personal.

Shiki: Since when did I have to get a license to be able to say I like to have twins??!?

Fix: Ever since these two were born. The meaning of 'twins' changed the day I saw Ichiru & Zero together. (hearts popping behind her) It was like, LOVE all over again. First time was when I saw you and Ichijou… Then everything went downhill from there…

Kaz: Yeah…that happened when I saw Kaname and Zero for the first time too… BUT ANYWAY—stop ignoring the question…

Fix: Ichijou. Pregnant. Won't rest. What would YOU do?

Shiki: I'll go about it carefully, offering the only thing I can give—manual labor.

Kaname: Run away as far as I can and hide there for the duration of his pregnancy then come back repentant. (sweatdrops) I just blurted out my plan, didn't I?

Shiki: But I thought you were banned from Tibet?

Kaname: Yes, I am. I was going to hide out with Zero.

Shiki: Ah…They'll let you in, then.

Kaname: I know. Zero can charm anything. (realizes what he has just said) Oh…crap.

Ichiru: I actually agree with that, it's true. (thoughtful look)

Everyone else in the room (except Zero): (nod)

Zero: … …. … … … … … … … … … never mind. (looks away) Let's just get this over with. (glance) I'll talk to him, like I always do.

Aidou: I'll go over it like walking over a field of German land mines. I could tell I'm bound to explode anyway…

Kain: … (looks down) … Uhm… do the usual…?

Kaz: ..Which would be…?

Kain & Ichijou: Obey like an obedient puppy on a short leash.

Kaz: …Puppy…?

Ichijou: Wait, I meant… Domesticated Siberian husky. (smiles) Sometimes I think I have a whole team of dogs under my command… cute, right?

Kaz: Uh…yeah…sure… (sweatdrop)… Ichiru…?

Ichiru: … drag Kuran out of my brother's manor and present him to Ichijou-san. That's the least I could do…

Ichijou: Being pregnant sounds like fun… (smile)

Shiki: You think so too…?

Ichijou: (nods happily) I want twins… Cookie-loving, rabid, cunning, adorable little cherubs. … … … … … … … …

Shiki: … … … with blond hair but with my hairstyle…running around…or clinging to your legs… … …

Fix: Before we plan an entire family tree… (cough) Next question… (looks at Kaz) Yow tuwn.

Kaz: Oakie-dokie. … … Hm… … How would you react if there was a bed sheet of you in the market, available to anyone who happens to pass by Japan?

Fix: With a special coupon from LaLa ™ and Matsuri Hino™? And Shoujo Beat™ and Viz Media™?

Aidou: It will be utterly creepy…but I'll get used to it anyhow. After all, I'm used to being craved.

Fix: Oh… well… that's to be expected. Akatsuki-dono?

Kain: … … … I'll use all my available resources to prevent it from happening. Sorry. It's just too weird. I have my limitations.

Fix: …(tries not to cry) It's ok… I respect that… (sniff) It's fine… I can deal with it… NEXT!

Shiki: I'm a model. I have pictures in magazines that some people actually look at and stick to their walls. I can get over the whole 'bed sheet' thing pretty easily.

Ichijou: I hope the picture's not embarrassing… (frown) It would be troubling if it were…

Shiki: There is no picture of you that's embarrassing.

Ichijou: The one you took when I just got up, that was embarrassing!

Shiki: No. It was ethereal. (straight face)

Fix: And love is in the air. Kaname, Ichiru, Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Zero: (twitch) I thought that nick name was gone.

Fix: I thought I was a person. Guess what, I'm not.

Everyone (yes, even Kaz): O.O

Fix: (rolls her eyes) Isn't it obvious that I'm a yaoi fangirl? We're no longer people, we've been elevated to the status of 'beings' since we have our very own statistics, which are glaringly different from normal human beings. (deadpan face) If I wasn't a yaoi fangirl, I wouldn't have this--- (pulls out Zero's bed sheet with a flourish and sparkles)

Zero: O.O (violent twitch) Where…Where did you—

Fix: … I ain't tellin' you.

Ichiru: It's—

Kaname: --beautiful!!

Ichiru & Kaname: (mad grabs) GIVE IT!!!

Kaname: (glances for a moment at the stunned Zero) Sorry, Zero. We can't help it. You're honestly irresistible.

Ichiru: I'm sorry brother. It's a fact.

Fix: It's MINE. Get your own! (keeps the bed sheet back in 'nowhere') … uhm… Kaname, Ichiru, Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii?

Kaname: I wouldn't mind having a bed sheet made after my image. Actually, I'm a bit wary that none of those has made it to the Moon Dorms yet ('veen look' at Aidou). However, I would insist that mine be bought with Zero's. No one could get rid of that.

Ichijou: No. Rabidity is something that we don't need in the Moon Dorms… I'd lose my breath if that were… (twirls a 'key'-ring with different colored whistles on it)

Kaname: (winces)

Zero & Ichiru: (blink) What are those for?

Kaname: They make you come. Or obey. Whatever Ichijou wants you to do. T.T

Kain: Vampire whistles.

Aidou: Indestructible.

Shiki: Can be heard from about 150miles away by any vampire attuned to it.

Kaz:…kewl. I want one.

Ichiru: … Do you have one for Zero?

Ichijou: What makes you think that…? (sparkly smile)

Kaname: Oh my god--- Ichijou, please…! (hands clasped together) I want it!

Ichijou: It'll cost you.

(a dreaded silence fell over the group)

(yes, even over the girls)

Kain: Ichijou-senpai…

Aidou: Ichijou-senpai, please be so kind… (puppydog eyes)

Shiki: (tugs on Ichijou's sleeve) Don't be merciless…

Kaname: (gulps) Anything…!

…

Ichijou: … (sigh) Fine. … Three, four…no wait…Five stacks should do it.

Kaname: But… but… oh, fine. (sighs) By when?

Ichijou: (smile) Why, whenever you finish it, of course.

Fix: … now that the negotiations for Zero's bed sheet-self are finished, Zero, Ichiru?

Ichiru: (shrug) I don't mind. As long as I get one of Zero's, it's fine.

Zero: (twitch) Why do I need to answer when the horror already exists?

Fix: Let's pretend it doesn't. It doesn't. Ok, now, what?

Zero: …You can't fool me that way!

Fix: … … … … I have a wig and a Cinderella dress with your name on it, and if you don't cooperate, Rido so help me, I will sedate you and dress you up and send you over to the Kuran manor!

Kaname: ooooo…

Zero: FINE! I…I'll find it weird and would not want it to happen but since fate just loves screwing me over, it'll probably happen anyway!!!

Fix: So… you're not a virgin anymore 'cause of fate? (blinkity-blinkity-blink)

Kaname: … … … He's… … … not…?

Fix: Ya like virgins? (cat-ish face) So, the Kuran Prince has a fetish~~~…

Kaname: …Who wouldn't…?

Zero: (stands up) That's enough. I've had it, I'm leaving. (walks over to the window, and jumps out… cue sounds of a horse fleeing the premises)

Kaname: (sigh) My fault. Again. … … (deeper sigh) It looks like we were never meant to stay in one room…

Fix: … KanZe drama is so tasty. (clutches heart) Ah, Hitsuzen! (collapses, but not before throwing a paper ball at Kaz)

Kaz: (blink) …Paper…ball…? (tilts her head to the side)

_Kazu,_

_As I am currently semi-dying, please tell Kaname the following:_

_if he's sighing over their apparent incompatibility:_

"_Get a hold of yourself you crazy pure blood! Claim what is yours and yes, I mean it in that way. The other way can wait till later, when we're gone and far away. Zero's just playing hard to get. Go after your uke, dammit! I will haunt you if you don't. Note: being kind and sincere and caring does wonders for scared animals._

_Note: If he tells you, "Abandon me…!" or something along those lines, say NO!"_

_if he's not doing anything to go after Zero_

"…_you suck. Ichiru could do better than you. No wonder Zero doesn't stay. ICHIRU COULD SUCK BETTER THAN YOU!" and yes, I meant it in __**that **__way._

_if he's gone and everyone's wondering what to do:_

"… _let's play word association 3. Starting word is 'lemon'. :3"_

_Fix_

_p.s. Kaname, you suck if you don't take my advice. Ichiru, run after Zero if he doesn't. Ichijou, excuse them. Kaz, your childhood is in my hat, take it._

Kaz: Childhood…? Yum. (searches in Fix's abandoned hat) (looks up) … Uh… … I'm looking for something edible- honest!

Aidou: Your childhood is EDIBLE?! O.O

Shiki: O.O wow.

Kain: … I don't think it is… (sweatdrop) What happened to her?

Ichijou: (blink) What does the note say?

Kaz: (munching on…something incredibly crispy) I'm supposed to do 'damage control' while Fix is out cold. (glances around her) But I'm sure waiting for a few more minutes wouldn't hurt—

Fix: (rises for a moment) Do it or I'll dump the Apple and I'll force you to a Kayue x Twins movie (plop!)

Kaz: T.T honestly better than another KaTaku…

Fix: (rises. Again) You're one to talk. Next time, I'll do a Zero x Ichijou, we'll see how YOU like it (plop!)

Kaz: …O.O I'm sorry for angering you. … … Right, on to business… (looks at Kaname, who is wistfully staring outside the window) (ehem) Fix says: _"Get a hold of yourself you crazy pure blood! Claim what is yours and yes, I mean it in that way. The other way can wait till later, when we're gone and far away. Zero's just playing hard to get. Go after your uke, dammit! I will haunt you if you don't. Note: being kind and sincere and caring does wonders for scared animals._

_Note: If he tells you, "Abandon me…!" or something along those lines, say NO!"_

Kaname: (abruptly stands up and runs outside)

Kaz: (blink) … Sooooo…. Anyone wanna play 'word association'…?

Aidou: What's the first word? (happy face)

Kaz: (smirk) LEMON.

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TBC™

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…

Authors' Notes:

Fix: (munching on her childhood) It's tasty~

Kaz: (doing the same thing~~) Yah…~~

Fix: To answer your questions, dear readers… Zero's nickname came from BB. My bleeding brain. Don't ask me why it's like that, I don't know either. And… uhm… there was drama here!

Kaz: …but not too much, though… (LOL- KAX AND FIZ…typos rule!!)

Fix: (XDDD) Kaname-chama is sitting on our window, and he looks abandoned~ Me wanty clicky but Kazy no wanty.

Kaz: We'll probably look as abandoned as that if… you do not review, dear readers…~~

Fix: Make us feel your concern for our mental health by clicking that lovely new button down there and reviewing with all your heart~ Oh, and obviously, the interview's not over yet! There are still things we have to know about the Night Class, and about the Kiryuu Twins and wonderful KanZe love! … We'll have Toga & Cross in the latter chapter.s. :3

Kaz: You can also send us some questions you might want to ask all the above mentioned personalities! See, we're so giving!! :D

Fix: Just don't ask about the bitch please. :D I shall bite your head off and spit it out after chewing it to a greasy, icky pulp—

Kaz: EW!!! …and I know you do NOT want to end up as Fix's ew.

Fix: Anyweiss, that's it for now folks! Next time, on The Night Class Interview!

_What will Kaname do, now that his precious Zero has run off into the horizon with White Lily? And why is Fix convalescing on the ground, spouting off threats? Why is Ichiru not running after his brother? What on earth happened to the Zero-bed sheets? And what, in the name of all that is yaoi, IS THIS CHILDHOOD THAT FIX & KAZ ARE MUNCHING ON????_

_Find out, in the next chapter of The Night Class Interview. :D_


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